I outright asked if she’s happy and she said in general no (she feels stuck in a dead-end job and stressed about the state of the world), but at home yes.
She doesn’t think she’s asexual (and the first few years of our relationship seem to bear that out) or that there’s a medical reason for this, and she isn’t “looking around” and “doesn’t want to go anywhere,” but she has no other explanation.
I wish I could tell you there was something else you could try, or that there was a way to convince your wife to be honest with you, but there isn’t.
I know that’s likely not the answer you were hoping for, and I can see the ways in which you’re trying to minimize your own pain by saying that 99 percent of your marriage is good and that you love the woman you married, but this letter did not describe a 99 percent good marriage. You deserve so much more than what your wife is giving you, and I hope you can find it someday.
Dear Prudence, My first partner and I broke up nine months ago after a year of dating.
The fact that she claims to be “caught off guard” by a conversation you’ve had over and over again suggests that she’s being less than fully honest with you.
At the very least, your wife’s definition of what being “happy at home” looks like is By your own admission, you’ve tried everything to change the state of your marriage, but your wife isn’t even willing to admit that the two of you have a problem worth addressing.
It may be that if you make it clear how seriously this state of affairs is negatively affecting your well-being and that you cannot stay in a marriage without honesty and mutual vulnerability, your wife will get the picture and open up, but if she’s seen you weeping and begging for a morsel of affection multiple times and only managed to come up with, “I’m really taken aback by this conversation!