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But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.

Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.

, who once received the strange gift of an oil change from a former lover for V-Day.

“The idea of love and celebrate love is supposed to be something special, not routine.” So—show your Valentine some love.

The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.